I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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