This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
