Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
