I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
