no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
