One girl and one boy is just not enough.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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