I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
