I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
