But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
