oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
