Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
