Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize