The maid of honor just puked.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
