i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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