He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize