Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
