so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize