I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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