She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
