i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
