She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
