Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
