so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Boobs are out for the taking
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He shit in the fireplace
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
