I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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