I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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