i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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