It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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