My hand turned me down
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
