i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
