In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
