Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
