Im at strip club and am horny
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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