I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
