when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
