hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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