Please, let me fuck your mom
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
