saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize