i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
