I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
