he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
