He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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