i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize