Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
