He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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