I'm going to jail i love you
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
