got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
