I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
