hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
