Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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