you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
