y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
