Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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