My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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