Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
