So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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