this beer tastes like vomit already
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
