he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
