Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
