This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
