y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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