Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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