whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
