my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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