yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
