I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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