Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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