I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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