i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
