dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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