I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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