clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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