??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
