Apparently you make a good broom.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
