and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
