I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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