I smell stomach acid.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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