i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
