btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
