Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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