omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
