there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
