I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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