Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
