So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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