I hate your face
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
