Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
