I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
