It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have fence marks all over my body
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
