Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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