Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
