I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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