Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
