All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize