Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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