I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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