so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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