Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize