the new term for farting is butt boxing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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