Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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