So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize