kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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