whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
