If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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