I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
