im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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