Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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