you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
