So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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