I love black thongs
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize