My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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