I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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