Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
