apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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