We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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