i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
