Your mouth is God's brothel.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
