Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
