I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There are leaves in my underwear?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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