I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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