This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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