Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
